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OVERVIEW

BTC’s 12-Days of Christmas Historical Performance (4-days late) 🧠

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

🦅 Haliey Welch’s HAWKTUAH Token Drama: Shifting Blame and Dodging Responsibility

The team behind Haliey Welch’s HAWKTUAH token have been quiet as confusion and suspicion swirled. Now they’re back, but instead of clearing the air, they’re pointing fingers and passing the buck. Rather than owning up to the fiasco, the crew claims they’re victims of their own marketing partners, leaving investors feeling like they’re stuck in a twisted blame game. Protos.

💰 Novogratz’s Bold Bet: Bitcoin to Knock Out Gold in Five Years

Mike Novogratz is shooting for the moon again, claiming Bitcoin will eclipse gold’s shine within half a decade. He sees digital gold as the future heavyweight champ in a world where old-school metals just can’t keep pace. While skeptics might roll their eyes, the crypto faithful are already marking their calendars. Five years is a blink in market terms, but Novogratz wants us to believe BTC’s got what it takes. U.today.

🏌️ Crypto CEOs Tee Up at Mar-a-Lago: Kris Marszalek Meets Trump for High-Stakes Policy Chat

Crypto.com CEO Marszalek huddled with President-elect Trump at Mar-a-Lago to talk shop about crypto regulations, upcoming appointments that could shape the industry’s fate, and even the proposed Bitcoin reserve. With Trump’s incoming administration tapping crypto-friendly figures like Howard Lutnick and Paul Atkins, expectations are sky-high for a more defined and favorable regulatory roadmap. Bloomberg.

👏 “Praise the Lord!”: Senator Tim Scott Celebrates SEC Nominee Setback

SEC Commissioner Caroline Crenshaw’s renomination vote got yanked, and Senator Tim Scott’s reaction was more “Hallelujah!” than polite golf clap. It’s a rare moment when bureaucratic joy inspires outright cheerleading. TheBlock.

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NEWS
December 13–25, Year-by-Year 🎅 

Bitcoin’s track record over the December 13–25 stretch is about as consistent as a good fruitcake recipe—every year seems to produce its own unique flavor of disappointment or relief. Let’s unwrap these holiday surprises and tally who got coal and who got a sugar high. 🍩 

Since 2014, Bitcoin has ended up in the green six times and deep in the red three times. One year barely moved, like an awkward gift you pretend to appreciate before stuffing it into the closet or maybe sneakily shuffling it into the pile of discarded wrapping paper.

Here’s the rundown:

⬇️ 2014 (–8.4%)

Ho-Ho-Holy Shite, We’re Down Again
A festive faceplant. Call it a lump of burning coal in the stocking.

🫂 2015 (+4.4%)

Santa’s Awkward Grandma Hug
A small uptick that hardly deserves a toast. Like scoring half a stale cookie from last year’s leftovers.

🕯️ 2016 (+14.4%)

Deck the Halls (with Green Candles)
A solid run, nearly hitting +15%. Finally, a rally that doesn’t smell like a scammy carnival game.

🥚 2017 (–15.1%)

The Eggnog Hangover from Hell
At the time, the mother of all manias was a faceplant under the tree.

🏆️ 2018 (+14.4%)

A Shitty Year’s Consolation Prize
A decent bounce out of what was, at the time, the worst bear market in crypto history.

😐️ 2019 (~flat)

The Socks You Didn’t Want, Didn’t Ask For
Flat as a stale pancake. Socks from Aunt Karen carried more excitement.

🍻 2020 (+28.7%)

Santa Got Drunk and Bought Everything
Nearly +29%. Think of it as holiday cheer on steroids. The market got lit, and no one called a cab, because depending where you lived, the Gestapo kept you at home because Covid was the new zombie apocalypse. But also FREE COVID MOONIES $$$$$.

☘️ 2021 (+5.1%)

Mistletoe Mediocrity
Up a bit. Sure, it’s a gain, but it felt like you had to bring your own booze to a party that barely qualifies as a party because you were the only one who brought booze to the party.

😭 2022 (–5.3%)

Jingle Balls, We’re Down Again
Another year, another letdown.

😕 2023 (+1.6%)

Lump of Meh
A tiny gain that reads more like the balance of your bank account. Thanks inflation.

In summary: Six greens, three reds, and one year flatter than your cheap Uncle Will’s wallet. Another holiday season in crypto paradise, where Santa’s never sure whether to deliver moonshots or migraines.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
DeFi, DEX, and Lending Protocol News 🏦

🤖 Kava’s AI Yield Party: DeFi With a Brain

Kava’s stepping into the DeFi ring with some AI-fueled oomph, making your yield look hotter than a double cayane Fireball shot at midnight. They’re rolling out machine-learning wizardry to fine-tune your yields so you’re not left shaking your piggy bank like a desperate gambler. Instead, you’ll have an algorithm whispering sweet nothings, pushing your returns to places they’ve never dared go. Kava blog.

🍣 Sushi’s Got a New Menu: Token & Network, Served Your Way

Sushi’s back in the kitchen, tossing out some slick new options like a five-star chef. With the new token and network selector, you’re free to hop chains and slurp tokens without getting stuck in yesterday’s crusty leftovers. Wanna feel like a connoisseur instead of some starved degenerate? Sushi’s latest buffet will have you dripping in digital delicacies. Sushi blog.

🦩 Polkadot’s Decentralized Marketing Circus: No More Corporate BS

Polkadot’s bringing marketing back to the people, ditching stuffy corporate yes-men, and handing the mic to the community. Imagine a carnival where everyone gets a say in how the show goes down, and you’re juggling chainsaw NFTs while sipping champagne. This is a brand-building party of ideas driven by decentralized decision-making and ruthless honesty. Polkadot blog.

PRESENTED BY STOCKTWITS
The Last “Trends With Friends” Of 2024 👀 

Howard, Phil, Michael, and Riley are joined by special guests Ben Cahn (The Ben & Emil Show and Weekend Rip) and Tyler Denk (Beehiiv) to discuss the future of email, owning your audience, network effects, and leveraging AI to drive efficiency.

Plus, Ben has an epic Elon Musk rant you won’t want to miss. Trust us. 😂 

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Metaverse, NFT, & Gaming News 🎮️

🚀 Enjin’s Degens Launch: Strap On, We’re Going to the Moon

Enjin’s opening the gates for the degenerates of the cryptosphere to strut their stuff. This launch isn’t for the faint of heart or the timid. It’s a no-holds-barred, balls-to-the-wall festival of NFT-powered badassery. Imagine blending a metal concert mosh pit with an art gallery on acid, and you’re halfway there. Enjin blog.

🌈 Optimism’s Retroactive Marathon: Screw the Grifters, We’re Doing Good

Optimism’s dishing out funds to people who actually make a damn difference. Say goodbye to the grifters who pocket cash and disappear. They’re rewarding the real heroes who, you know, actually build shit that matters. Want to be part of a future where altruism pays actual dividends? Step right up, buttercup. Optimism blog.

🔥 Ronin’s Got a Bounty for Your Greedy Little Fingers

So Ronin’s pulling up with some fresh bounty action—think treasure hunt with fewer palm trees and more digital loot. Starting tomorrow, you can poke, prod, and shamelessly exploit their chain’s cracks to score some sweet prizes. Flex those cyber-muscles, show off your elite hacking moves, and earn real goodies for doing what Mom always told you not to do: break shit. Ronin blog.

ON-CHAIN ANALYSIS
Burnt Bag Briefing 🔥 

Want to know whether the bulls or bears are feeling the most pain today? Well, this is the place to look. 👀

In the past 24 hours, 114,986 traders were liquidated, with total liquidations reaching $279.96 million.

The largest single liquidation occurred on OKX, an ETHUSD pair valued at $1.45 million.

Longs lost $195.92 million, while shorts were hit for $84.03 million. 🤕 

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

🖥️ Dell and AI: What you need to know as an investor

😲 4Special election loss adds to misery for Canada PM Trudeau

🏘️ Real Estate platform to show neighborhoods' political leanings to prospective homebuyers

🤖 Slip Robotics snags $28M for its bots that can load a truck in five minutes

📙 Detroit-area library says Chicago man can keep overdue baseball book -- 50 years later

🎮️ WB Games Montreal reportedly hit with layoffs

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in ADA, DASH, COPI, LTC, LINK, MIN, AGIX, ALGO, DOGE, ZEC, AVAX, XLM, XTZ, and NEAR. 📋