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OVERVIEW

Crypto Bulls Tiptoe Back - Because Testing Waters Beats Drowning 🐂

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

And here’s a look at crypto’s total market and altcoin market cap charts:

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

💼 Jump Trading Returns to US Crypto Scene

Jump Trading, famous for being on the wrong side of Terra’s meltdown and FTX’s dumpster fire, is bravely re-entering the US crypto market. After retreating, spinning off projects, and paying casual $123 million SEC settlement, they’re back. Throwing $15 million at crypto-friendly politicians probably didn't hurt their decision either. CryptoBriefing.

⚖️ Burwick Law’s Meme Coin Crusade Intensifies

Burwick Law is coming after meme coins like a bored attorney at a crypto buffet, launching dozens of investigations against platforms like Pump.Fun for allegedly laundering money, pumping tokens, and other shenanigans. They’re accusing Pump.Fun of enabling "terrorist financing" - because $WIF.X ( ▼ 1.02% ) and $CHILLGUY.X ( ▼ 1.33% ) sound exactly like assets ISIS would bet on. Protos.

👮‍♂️ Bybit Politely Asks ParaSwap DAO to Return Stolen Fees

After getting robbed for $1.5 billion $ETH.X ( ▼ 1.49% ) by North Korean hackers, Bybit is now asking ParaSwap DAO to hand back $100,000 in fees earned from the stolen funds, which sparked an immediate philosophical debate about whether DeFi should bail out CeFi’s errors. ParaSwap members are split, some suggesting a "courtesy" 10% bounty, others sarcastically warning against creating a precedent of DeFi cleaning up after centralized exchanges' security fails. CryptoNews.

🙄 NFT ETFs Probably Aren’t Happening Because Investors Still Think They're Dumb

Rumors of an NFT ETF were predictably shot down by market experts, who pointed out that traditional investors see NFTs as overpriced JPEGs. Despite $PENGU.X ( ▼ 1.55% ) CEO Luca Netz vaguely promising "something for our JPEGs," ETF providers noted NFTs’ illiquidity and impossible pricing structures would make any fund difficult. Decrypt.

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