OVERVIEW

If Dante Wrote About Crypto, Pump.fun Would Be the 10th Circle of Hell 🔥 

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

SOLANA
Pump.fun Is A Dumpser Fire On A Train Wreck In A Nuclear Apocalpse On Its Way To Hell 🔥 

Pump.fun has officially out degened itself over this weekend and into today. In the worst ways possible. 🤮 

Since last Friday, its livestream feature became a cesspool of grotesque behavior, shocking even for a platform known for degeneracy. Let’s just say if the devil hosted a meme contest in hell, Satan himself might have said some of this went too far.

Here are some of the greatest hits of depravity:

• A 12-year-old threatened to harm themselves and their family if their token didn’t hit $60,000. With a shotgun.

• A couple assaulted their toddler on stream to mark token milestones.

• Some genius fired a gun out of their window to celebrate price pumps.

• Webcam models did... things you can’t unsee to "boost hype."

• And in the pièce de résistance of inhumanity, a user threatened to shoot their dog if their token didn’t hit a $1M market cap.

By Monday, even Pump.fun’s anonymous founder had enough. The livestream feature was axed “indefinitely,” with promises of better moderation.

What Went So Wrong?

Where does one even begin? Livestreams featuring threats, violence, and graphic stunts weren’t just ignored—they trended. Over the weekend, Pump.fun raked in a little over $14 million in revenue, proving once again that degeneracy sells, even at the cost of human decency. 😢 

The platform is often likened to 4chan for its “free-for-all” ethos, with no real safety measures, ethical boundaries, or regard for - I don’t know - morality.

Before this, racially insensitive or explicit tokens were business as usual. But once live streams showcased explicit abuse, the backlash erupted, forcing Pump.fun to pause and reassess.

Solana's Problem or Crypto's Reputational Nightmare?

Solana supporters argue this is just “early-stage experimentation,” akin to ICO or NFT mania. Critics, however, compare it to FTX—another reputational stain crypto didn’t need.

Here’s the kicker: Pump.fun’s transactions make up over half of Solana’s activity. Shutting it down would tank network activity, but letting it spiral unchecked risks long-term reputational damage.

Either way, Solana’s quiet stance is deafening. 🦻 

The Most Crypto Thing Ever

And, because this is the most crypto thing ever, some enterprising degenerate took to Polymarket to ask what the odds were we’d see this on Pump.fun before long:

And the odds, according to Polymarket? 97%.

With disgusting acts live-streamed between animals and humans, apparent child abuse, and threats of harm to self or others, things might be looking bad for the Rug.pull.

And that’s good for the rest of us.🤦 

New In Three Sentences
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The SEC collected a record $8.2 billion in fines for 2024, mostly thanks to Terraform Labs coughing up $4.47 billion after their blockchain imploded. Without that windfall, the SEC’s haul would’ve been a facepalm-worthy $3.72 billion—their worst since 2013. Gensler’s reign ends in January, and the crypto crowd is already popping champagne for Trump’s promised regulatory chill. Cointelegraph.

🪙 Michael Saylor Goes Big Again: MicroStrategy Buys 55,500 BTC

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