OVERVIEW

Santa Left Cookies, Ate Your Portfolio Instead 🍪

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

New In Three Sentences
Crypto News 📰

🏦 Crypto Creeps Closer to Tokenizing TradFi—Don’t Snooze

Pyth’s real-time data streams keep sharpening their knives, gutting the old guard’s outdated price feeds. This quiet revolution might blindside legacy finance and break Chainlink’s stranglehold. Wake up, or watch the future sprint past. TheStreet.

⛏ Bitmain Sets Up Shop Stateside—Hardware Holdups End

Bitmain’s American pivot unclogs the ASIC pipeline that’s been stuck at customs longer than your Amazon returns. North American miners finally get their fix, right as Trump dreams of “Made in USA” Bitcoin rigs. Looks like fewer excuses for late-night miner meltdowns. Cointelegraph.

📶 Helium’s Q3: Wireless Goes Wild

Helium offloaded 88,000 GB of data and watched its hotspots multiply, while old-school telecoms probably rolled their eyes. With carrier offloading up by over 10,000% and a market cap surge to $1.3B, decentralized wireless might be more than a passing fad. If this keeps up, traditional telcos might learn to share—fat chance. Helium’s X.

💹 USDe Supply: Bigger Than Your Precious ETFs

Ethena Labs’ USDe supply ballooned by over $3B in under two months, outpacing all those fancy ETH and BTC ETFs combined. Old finance folks might need a tissue. If you’re betting on slow progress, that’s your problem now. Ethena Lab’s X.

🤖 Internet Computer Doubles Down on AI—No Big Tech Babysitters

DFINITY hooking up with ETH Zurich’s AI Center means more brains and less Big Tech stranglehold for AI development. The Internet Computer can host and run AI models straight on-chain, letting them evolve without some centralized server overlord. Internet Computer Protocol blog.

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NEWS
Bitwise’s Top 10 For 2025 Crystal Ball: Bitcoin at $200K and a Smirk 😉 

Bitwise is calling for big numbers, blockbuster IPOs, and a stablecoin bonanza. Anyway, here’s their top 10 for 2025:

1. Bitcoin at $200K. Because $100K was too tame. They’re betting on another halving, more institutional interest, and maybe even some U.S. bureaucrats quietly stacking sats. Ethereum at $7K. Solana at $750. Sure, why not?

2. Bitcoin ETFs to suck up more cash than last year’s record-breaking haul. Think of it like gold ETF adoption, just with fewer antique collector vibes. Merrill Lynch and Morgan Stanley might finally decide to show up late to the party.

3. Coinbase storms past Schwab. They’re talking $700 a share, fueled by stablecoins, staking, and that cute little Ethereum Layer-2 called Base. Because who needs old-school brokerage when you’ve got digital everything?

4. 2025 IPO extravaganza. At least five crypto unicorns hitting the public markets. Circle, Kraken, Anchorage, and friends are all lining up for their big Wall Street selfies. Institutional suits love rising charts and political tailwinds, so this one’s a no-brainer.

5. Memecoins meet AI. Because adding “AI” to anything these days makes it futuristic and cool. Expect another mania where most projects are junk.

6. More countries will decide hoarding Bitcoin is a genius idea. Doubling the number of nation-states stacking sats. Legislators penning fancy proposals. Good luck outbidding that one tiny nation-state that YOLOed in early.

7. Mainstream index inclusions. Coinbase slides into the S&P 500, MicroStrategy hops into the Nasdaq-100. Imagine the index funds forced to buy crypto exposure while pretending they’re just following the rules.

8. Crypto in your retirement portfolio. The U.S. Department of Labor might loosen up, letting 401(k) plans nibble on crypto. One percent of $8 trillion sounds like a decent payday.

9. Stablecoins hit $400 billion. Washington finally decides to legislate. Money moves faster. Fintech bros grin from ear to ear. Good luck calling these things “just funny internet money” when they fuel cross-border commerce.

10. Tokenized real-world assets surpass $50 billion. Real estate, private credit, and whatever else Wall Street wants to tokenize. Suddenly, everything’s liquid, transparent, and sold in tiny pieces like candy bars. Enjoy the sugar high.

Bonus: Bitcoin at $1 million by 2029. Read their full report here. 📕 

News In Three Sentences
Metaverse, NFT, & Gaming News 🎮️

🎮 SKALE and Sequence: Zoppel Kicks Off the Game

SKALE’s gas-free network and Sequence’s dev platform just rolled out Zoppel, an RPG that shoves blockchain complexity under the hood. Gamers get what they want—fun—minus the technical tantrums. If this trend continues, we might stop scaring normies with “gas fees” and “on-chain settlements” and just let them play. SKALE blog.

🎮 OVERTAKE GameFest’s Somnis Quest: Time to Hoard Gems and AP

OVERTAKE’s rolling out its Somnis: Rumble Rush Quest on Immutable, so strap in and stack your gems, AP, and maybe some loot. Just buy a Mystery Box, win a few matches, and call it a day—no insane multi-step rituals. If you’re into tower defense and card mashups, this realm promises to keep you busy and well-rewarded. Immutable blog.

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News In Three Sentences
DeFi, DEX, and Lending Protocol News 🏦

🦾 simNGMI: The First L1 Playground for AI Agents

Saga’s chainlet for AI-only agents gives bots their own blockchain sandbox, no pesky humans required. These digital critters can form swarms, figure out DeFi strategies, and basically run their own show without tapping on human shoulders. If you’re betting on a future where bots barter, battle, and build economies, simNGMI’s got front-row seats. Saga blog.

📊 Curve’s Governance Makeover—One-Stop Shop for DAO Decisions

Curve just cleaned up its governance mess, bundling everything into a neat, in-house interface. Now you can lock CRV, vote, and analyze DAO income without surfing multiple sketchy third-party sites. Maybe the best part: fewer headaches for newcomers and no more easy excuses for voter apathy. Curve Finance blog.

🍣 Sushi Lands on TRON—Roll On Over

Sushi slaps its V2 AMM onto TRON, home to a mountain of stablecoins and lightning-fast swaps. No more excuses for sticking to vanilla chains. Bring your appetite and maybe a pair of chopsticks. Sushi blog.

❄️ Decembrrrr SnaX-mas on Base: Get Paid, You Degens

Synthetix tempts you with boosted yields, juicy fees, and stataUSDC rewards for parking your stablecoins in its liquidity pool. Traders get deeper liquidity, fewer “capacity errors,” and less whining about missed trades. Everyone else gets to brag about passive income during the holiday season. Synthetix blog.

ON-CHAIN ANALYSIS
Burnt Bag Briefing 🔥 

Want to know whether the bulls or bears are feeling the most pain today? Well, this is the place to look. 👀

In the past 24 hours, 583,841 traders were liquidated, with total liquidations reaching $1.75 billion.

The largest single liquidation occurred on Binance, an ETHUSDT pair valued at $19.69 million.

Longs lost $1.55 billion, while shorts were hit for $200.67 million. 🤕 

LINKS
Links That Don’t Suck 🔗

🍝 Italy will drop plans to increase tax on crypto capital gains

💵 DeFi TVL surges to 2021 highs: What led to this growth?

💿️ Microsoft shareholders reject Bitcoin treasury proposal

🌘 Dark money group tied to crypto tries to quash SEC nomination vote

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in ADA, WMT, COPI, LTC, LINK, MIN, AGIX, ALGO, DOGE, ZEC, AVAX, XLM, XTZ, and NEAR. 📋