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OVERVIEW

Shocking Development: Going Into The Weekend Without A Crippling Sense Of Dread 💀 

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto market heatmap:

And here’s a look at crypto’s total and altcoin market cap YTD:

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Crypto News 📰

🔥 Wildfire Wipes Out Grandma’s Bitcoin Nest Egg

A 70-year-old LA resident lost her home—and her paper wallet seed phrase—in raging SoCal blazes. Now she’s out both physical real estate and digital fortunes, reminding us that “fireproof safe” isn’t just a marketing gimmick. Hearing about this made me literally buy one of those metal versions you chisel like a caveman. cryptopolitan

🤖 Bridging AI & Humans With A Decentralized Knowledge Graph

They’re pushing Asimov’s robot laws into the blockchain age, hoping we won’t get robo-dystopia. OriginTrail’s DKG ensures AI “thoughts” are verifiable and tamper-proof. Basically, if your AI assistant decides to “hallucinate,” you’ll know exactly which NFT it blamed. Origin Trail.

🎮 Squid Game Season 2: Rug Pull Edition

The new season features a fake coin called $DALMATIAN that got pumped, dumped, and left half the cast flat broke. Art imitates life, because fans still remember the real $SQUID token fiasco that soared to $2,800 before tanking into oblivion. If you see a random “Squid Coin” pop-up, maybe resist the urge to YOLO your rent money. The Shib.

🇩🇪 Germany Ponders a BTC Strategy: ETF, Reserve, or Bond Chain?

At a Bundestag roundtable, ex-finance minister Lindner mulled issuing government bonds on the blockchain, maybe stashing some Bitcoin in reserves, or finally green-lighting a Bitcoin ETF. That’s a wild 180° from last year when they sold 50k BTC and cratered the market. Maybe they’re regretting that discount coin dump now that BTC is still dancing near $95k. U.Today.

🏠 Tether Execs Go All-In On El Salvador Real Estate

Top Tether brass apparently bought fancy golf-course plots, turned Salvadorian citizens, and might be jacking up land prices for locals. Meanwhile, they’re also forming a swarm of shell companies in San Salvador’s World Trade Center—because one business per office is for amateurs. If you wondered where the stablecoin billions went, the mansion photos might offer a clue. Protos.

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